


His Way Home

by idrilsdarkwritings (idrilhadhafang)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abusive Snoke, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad BDSM Etiquette Outside Of Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren, Conflicted Poe Dameron, Corporal Punishment, Dominant Poe Dameron, Eventual Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren, Evil Snoke, Ignored Safeword, Kylo Ren Redemption, M/M, NO rape, Past Abuse, Past Snoke/Kylo Ren - Freeform, Self-Harm, Submissive Kylo Ren, Warped Ideas Of BDSM, Whipping, by Snoke, eventually, sexual healing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-12 23:17:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19239118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilsdarkwritings
Summary: Kylo comes back to the Resistance Base with his father and begins his long road to healing and redemption.





	1. Love/Hate

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Warning for abuse within Snoke/Kylo (a past relationship) and self-harm for this chapter. Poe won’t be abusive, though, when we get to it. Promise.

He came home. 

Poe still couldn’t believe it, actually. Even after everything that had happened. How could Kylo Ren possibly be Ben Solo — that Poe supposed that he could hardly understand. 

And what exactly had happened to him, that was the question. The way he looked — it should have been satisfying to see him broken down, but Poe Dameron had never been that kind of man. He hated him, hated him for what he’d done. 

Stars willing he loved him too. It was like the two emotions couldn’t coalesce into something that would actually make sense; they had to be...conflicting. Making no sense. 

Poe supposed it would have been preferable if Kylo were a stranger. At least he’d know how to feel. 

“Poe, is that him?” Jessika Pava, this time. “Ben Solo?”

”Yeah.” Poe swallowed; his throat felt tight. “I guess it is.”

***

In his room, Kylo — he doubted he could actually call himself Kylo anymore — sat on the bed and hated himself quietly.

Poe hated him. That he couldn’t blame Poe for at least. After everything he’d done, hating him was pretty generous, actually. It would be a miracle if Poe wanted anything to do with him, actually. 

After Luke had tried to kill him — there was no other way to put it; Luke had tried to kill him — Ben Solo had run away. To safety and security, or so he thought. Snoke was a top, a pretty experienced top or so Kylo had been told, who had a bit of a pattern for his subs “failing” him in some way. Ben had thought Snoke would keep him and the students he had taken with him safe. 

Maybe he deserved everything he got and more for his stupidity. 

<i> — the whip cracking against his back, drawing blood, and Kylo trying to remember the safeword. Finally, it came to him. “Academy.”

The whip didn’t stop cracking. 

“Academy. Academy. Academy — dear stars, Academy!” But it was clear that Snoke wasn’t going to stop, no matter how much Kylo wanted him to — </i>

There had been other instances. This, though...this had been one of the worst. 

He took out his lightsaber and ignited it, pressed the blade close to his skin to watch it sizzle, even as Snoke howled in rage inside his head. 

He had been stupid, and cruel, and this was what he deserved. 


	2. Not Pleasure But Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things escalate quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Because honestly, this chapter really is kind of me grappling with my issues with sex and sexuality.

“You gotta eat something, kid.”

His father’s voice, at breakfast, gently reproving him. Kylo picked at his food while everyone else chatted around him. 

“I’m not really hungry,” Kylo murmured. 

“You look like you haven’t eaten in a while, Ben. Really.”

”It’s nothing.” Snoke had forced him to shed weight, but honestly, it wasn’t like it was any worse than everything else he did. 

Then again, that wasn’t really a high bar. 

It was later that General Organa put the final piece of the map in place — Kylo being absent, naturally. Han put a hand on his shoulder even as he tensed. “It’s okay, Ben.”

”He’s coming back. He’s coming back, and he’ll finish what he started.”

”Kid, I don’t understand.”

Kylo told him. And the look of sheer shock and anger in his father’s eyes said volumes. “Luke tried that? Luke?”

A nod. 

“And to think your mother trusted him with you,” Han said. “I’ll need to talk to her.”

***

“What the stang did you say to General Organa?”

Poe confronted him just outside, long after everyone else had left. 

“The truth.” Kylo said. “And besides, my father told her. Not me.”

”Why would you even do that?”

The words slipped out before Kylo could stop himself. ”Because your precious idol tried to kill me!”

Silence. Poe’s eyes actually grew wide in that moment, almost like his galaxy had fallen apart. Then, “You’re lying.”

Kylo knew he needed to stop. Instead, he said, “I’m not lying. You could always ask Luke when he gets back from being a decrepit nobody on an island.”

”Don’t you talk about him like that!”

”Is that an order?" Kylo sneered. “That’s all tops are good for — giving orders and abusing people. Maybe even raping them when the mood strikes. I’m surprised anyone would want to be around you and take your abuse.”

And then of course he was sorry, even as he felt like the words were traveling out in a deluge. 

“It’s not like I chose it,” Poe said. ”And I’ve never raped anyone in my life. Or abused them.” 

Kylo almost wanted to object, to point out what Snoke did to him (although rape was never involved), but something about the look in Poe’s eyes suggested he’d done enough damage. 

“I suppose,” he said. 

“I haven’t even had...a partner.”

That Kylo couldn’t say he was expecting.

”Really?” he said. 

“Not one.”

Kylo nodded. 

“Kylo,” Poe began, carefully, “Did Snoke hurt you?”

”It wasn’t like he hurt me sexually.”

Poe took a deep breath. “I think I’m going to be sick,” he said, and stumbled towards the fresher. 

***

He was already vomiting. Even envisioning what exactly Snoke must have done to Ben...well, the green didn’t seem to stop coming. He wasn’t Snoke. He wasn’t sick for having desires, Poe knew that logically, and yet it was like for a moment he could imagine he was Snoke, taking his anger out on Kylo, hurting him not consensually, but unwantedly. 

 _He hurt_   _the man I love_. And Poe could have loved him, would have loved him, if Kylo had just let him in. _Dear stars..._

At least the horror had words now. Poe knew that much. 

The door to the fresher opened cautiously, and Kylo was holding his hair back even as he puked. Finally, Poe pulled himself together, wiped his mouth, and turned to Kylo. 

“That wasn’t sex. That wasn’t...consensual pain,” Poe said, finally. “He tortured you.”

“I deserved it.”

”I don’t care who you are or what you’ve done. No one deserves that.” A beat. “No one. You’ll have to work to make up for what you’ve done, but...I’m not Snoke. You’ve got to believe me on that.”

Kylo nodded, slowly. He seemed to be getting it now. “I shouldn’t have said those terrible things,” he finally said. “I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t easy as saying “it’s all right”, but Poe nodded. “Thank you,” he said. 

“Are you going to punish me?”

”No,” Poe said, “But I will say this: there’s nothing about this that isn’t built on consent of some sort. And we don’t...abuse our subs. Look at Kare — she doesn’t do that. For example, not every female top is some mean dominatrix treating her sub like a worthless piece of junk.”

”I can only assume no,” Kylo said. 

“Snoke’s not a top, and calling him a sadist is an insult to sadists. He’s just a monster, plain and simple.”

”Thank you,” Kylo finally said. 

“I’m glad I could help. I don’t forgive you yet, but you didn’t deserve what happened to you.”

It seemed that tension was going out of Kylo that Poe doubted that Kylo even knew he was holding. 

“So...I guess we can go to the funeral tomorrow without killing each other,” Kylo said. He was back to making jokes. That was good. 

“It’s a good place to start as any.” Poe said. And Han would inevitably get back with Luke, and Poe could ask him the questions he needed. 


End file.
